How to Deal With Second Thoughts While Trying to Get Pregnant

By Nicole H.

So there you are, trying every position in the book, reading up on old wives' tales about how to get pregnant, tracking your cycle like a bloodhound on the hunt, and then you find yourself having nightmares of screaming babies. Suddenly, the idea of getting pregnant scares you to death. You've developed some sort of superpower that detects the sound of a baby's cry and a child's whiney voice from miles away. Panic has set in.

You feel like a traitor. You and your partner discussed this. You both decided you were ready to get pregnant, but now you're having second thoughts. Are these feelings just cold feet or are they something you should take seriously? Before you put the kibosh on baby-making, try these first.

Don't Ignore Your Feelings

The worst thing you can do is try to pretend that you're all right with everything. If you do that, you might make it worse, undermine your relationship with your partner, and actually make a very normal feeling into something much bigger. Take a deep breath, acknowledge that you are having doubts, and deal with them.

Communicate with Your Partner

If conception is a team effort, you need to tell your partner how you feel. One seed of doubt can destroy a relationship. It can lead to you avoiding intimacy and leave your partner feeling confused, hurt, and alone.

“Be open and honest.”

The best thing you can do is to be open and honest with your partner. Share your doubts and fears with them. They may be able to alleviate those fears and put you right back into the game, or they may share similar fears they've been having. It's OK to take a minute to regroup and reassess your feelings on pregnancy and having a baby.

Talk with Trusted Friends Who Have Kids

Who better to go to about second thoughts on baby-making than someone who already has kids?  Find a friend that you know will be honest, preferably one with older kids, get them alone, and pick their brain. They can share with you the gritty details – good and bad – of pregnancy and parenthood. And if you really want to see your girlfriend glow, ask her how she felt the first time she heard "I love you, Mommy."

Talk to Your Parents or a Close Relative with Kids that You Trust

What if you don't have a friend with kids?  Maybe you’re the first in your group to be going on this journey. Try one of your parents, a close aunt, or a cousin. The view may be a bit biased, especially if your mom is known to gush about what a darling little angel you were as a child, but they still have a wealth of knowledge to share. They can tell you how they dealt with their own fears and handled parenting challenges.

The most important thing to remember when you're trying to have a baby is that every parent becomes a parent for the first time. Everyone has had fears about it on some level. Take ownership of your fears, talk them out with your partner, and get some advice from those who have already gone down that path. Try to remember what started you down this road in the first place, and trust that with a little discussion, you can right your compass again. In the end, you'll feel more comfortable with your decision, and your relationship with your partner will be better off because of it.  

Did you have second thoughts tying to get pregnant? How did you cope?